There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
