Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
