I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
