Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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