Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
