I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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