My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
