I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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