Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
