i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
