Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Randomize
