i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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