Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
