Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
