dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
