Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
