rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I'm sobbing to NWA
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
