She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
