12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
