So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
