he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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