Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm too high and old for this...
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