I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize