Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
you never un-have a 4some
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
