I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
