The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
May the power of my ass compel you!!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
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