turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
