How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
