well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
