but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
