A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
