More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
