Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
