and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
