Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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