Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
