thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
