Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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