My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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