hotel room ftw
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
