So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
