if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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