Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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