Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
