Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
