All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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