My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
