everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
