Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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