don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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