It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
