PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
