If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
