I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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