my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
