I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
