I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
