we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
