just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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