the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Randomize