Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
