I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
