i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize