She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
