You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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