GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
