Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
