I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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