I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
