so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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