I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
