you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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