If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
